Introduction: One year, exactly, has passed since I let my puppy go. It was the easiest decision to make, but the hardest to bear, because he was my best friend and there was nothing I could do to bring him back from his pain and deterioration. On his final day I learned he had cancer around his spine. I had watched as his tail went from ‘Tigger’ to ‘Eeyore’ and from that day in September 2020 I knew something was not right. He had blood tests, X-rays, dental surgery and was due for an MRI. He stopped wagging his tail and slowly found it more difficult to do regular things. On the 16th March 2021 we went together to the Veterinary College, Otto had a CT scan, I had was briefed. The results informed us that there was no way to save Otto from the inevitable. And so at 16:45 on the 16th March 2021 in a small room at Langfords, BS40 5DU, I told Otto he was a good puppy and I sat with him and heard his last sigh exhale from his body.
I keep a record and document, with words and pictures. So my grieving and bereavement process began and continues. I wrote the Gifts Otto shared with me down on a note pad and in preparation I typed them up and share them with you and myself here. Some are straight forward, some better with an explanation (I shall spare you that).
In the months following his passing, and in addition to the words and thoughts below, my cousin, a fellow creative producer specialising in stone work, offered to create something. In our communications we went on to refer to the piece as an Ottolisk: an obelisk for Otto (pictured below). This process of creation was a welcome way to come to terms with the sense of ‘missing’: the absence of the irreplaceable presence of companionship. It was also a way to harness, in some little way, the essence of Otto’s character, personality, attributes, anecdotes before the distance of time dilutes them.
Otto Mar 4 03 2021
- Private ear nibbles
- Lungy
- ‘Foxy make Music’
- Morning cuddles phase
- 20/3 Charlie Chaplin skip
- Dvs visual ‘running through fields to chariots of fire
- Otto ear rubs
- 21/3 Puppy ‘over the shoulder’ shot
- Puppy presence (waiting at the kitchen door)
- Command when lead around a tree sound ‘Schwi’
- Land Kite
- He did not like rattly metal things – making rattly metal sounds
- DoG GoD 1-4-21 12:46
- 22:22 20-4-21 The Tears have soaked
- 25-6-21 11:34 on seeing Richard and Piper walking though the square from my window “Otto has/had more friends than I do”
Otto xxx 17 03 21 Gifts
- He made me overcome my fear to go outside
- He got me up & out in the morning
- He introduced me to people
- & gave me access to spaces I wouldn’t have gone otherwise
18/03
- Gave me | allowed me a sense of belonging (in my neighbourhood
- I used the juicer / blender (to make his final meals) – how easy it is to use?!
12:43 1-4-21
19-03-21 11:45
- How quickly it came & he went
- Such a delight, so much Joy an happiness
- He showed me how great the /much joy & happiness I have inside me
- When I felt the darkness at the door Puppy being there helped me feel safe (22:46)
- Such a pure experience – he transition with ease & grace & I was with him (1-4-21 @12:45)
- My solace, safety & sanctuary (12:50 7-4-2021)
Rebecca NK Gibbs 